7) Wait, do you have more followers than me?
1) Am I going to take your last name?
Ordinarily, I would rail against the patriarchal tradition of women taking men’s last names, but my Great Uncle was the Finger Lakes Killer — yes, the serial killer who ate fingers, don’t look at me like that, Greg — and I think it would be best for both of us if we distance ourselves as much as possible from the last name “McFinkle.”
2) Do you think my cat looks cute in his hand-knit sweater?
I know I’ve asked this before, but your answer always feels forced. Mr. Toe Beans has had really low self-esteem ever since we started dating and I’m just worried you two won’t get along long-term. Just tell…
Blockbuster Employee, Tamagotchi Hand Model, Rugrats Baby…what can’t I do?
Blockbuster Employee of the Month
Every day I’d start up the popcorn machine and happily pitch Baby’s Day Out to my heart’s content. I’d also get five free video rentals a week, so I could rent The Mask five times without any late fees. “Somebody stop me!” I would joke to my coworker Jerry, who moonlights at the bowling alley. But Jerry knows I’m unstoppable.
Tamagotchi Hand Model
Sure, my hands are adorable. But it’s not just about looks — it’s about experience. And I think a Kuchipatchi Tamagotchi would feel safe if it was cradled in the palm of my hands. …
Every Tim Robinson spec needs at least one mudpie.
INT. BASEMENT — NIGHT
JOEY (Tim Robinson) sits on a couch watching TV. A commercial for “River Mountain High” blares from the screen.
JOEY: Wow, this show really went off the rails when they killed Principal S.
Suddenly, a GENIE (Sam Richardson) appears in a cloud of smoke.
JOEY: What the heck?
GENIE: Joey Simpson, I am here to grant you 3 wishes.
JOEY (waves the purple smoke away from his eyes): Don’t set off smoke machines in Uncle Billy’s basement. He hates that.
GENIE: I’m not using a smoke machine…
I just wanted to reach out and clarify what this audition is for so I can get into the right headspace.
Hi there! I’m a golden retriever and my name is Buddercup! I’ve been acting since I was on puppy kibble, so you might have seen me in movies like Airbuddies, Super Buddies, and X Men’s Dark Phoenix. I wanted to reach out over email because I saw a notice that read: Casting Call for Golden Retrievers in Live-Action Disney Film. I clicked to read more, and I wanted to know, is this a casting call for Pluto or Goofy?
I’m only asking because the casting call mentions an upcoming Disney Plus film called Mickey Mouse: Origins. Whether I get the…
Even as it languished in the lowest levels of the Vault, Lady and the Tramp believed in the lasting cultural impact of its spaghetti scene.
4. Bambi (1942): This elderly, adorable classic is still taking three forms of medication to quell nightmares from years spent in solitary confinement. Before it was re-released on Disney Plus, its only solace came in 2006 when it was let out on parole for 70 days to celebrate its 70th birthday. In that brief window of time, Bambi followed Mariah Carey on MySpace and watched a Wednesday matinee of The Pink Panther with a senior…
I’m also “happy” to announce I’ll be attending every Disney 23 Expo until I shed this mortal coil.
Yeah, alright. It’s me. Acting legend Harrison Ford. You might know me from movies like Indiana Jones, Morning Glory, etc. Let’s skip the formalities. I’m here today because my publicist asked me to release a statement about my continued involvement in those Star Wars flicks.
I know. This probably comes as no small surprise, considering that my character, Han Solo, is dead.
And listen, I was begging for that guy to get killed off for decades. Solo was supposed to be a one-page bit. Day one, I told George to grow a pair and follow through on Greedo actually shooting…
Do you aspire to be a chill parent? Are you worried that if you name your child “John” or “Karen,” they’ll grow up to be a semi-successful real estate agent instead of a freelance mountain climber like their old man? From “Herringbone” to “Twill,” I’ve rounded up 10 unique baby names and offered an illuminating glimpse into your child’s future.
Whitman
Upon first meeting Whitman, he will proudly announce that he has never owned a television or even glanced at a computer. …
Meghan Cook
sketch writer, stand-up, that person who writes those “Every Paul Rudd Movie Ranked” articles
